Billie Green
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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TEASER
FADE IN:
SOUND: A DING
INT. FRAT HOUSE
A BUMPING COLLEGE PARTY. THE MONARCH FALLS ONTO A SOFA. HE
HAS YET TO DEVELOP HIS TRADEMARK COSTUME. HE JUST LOOKS LIKE
A UNDERNOURISHED GEEK. A EMPTY PLASTIC CUP FALLS FROM HIS
FINGERS.
MONARCH
(drunk)
Holy. What was in that? What was in
those...
THE MONARCH TURNS TO SEE A SHY GREEN GIRL WITH ANTENNA
SITTING ALONE ACROSS THE ROOM. HIS VISION IS BLURRY BUT HE
STILL SMILES AT HER.
SHE SMILES BACK.
INT. JONAS' PLANE - CARGO AREA
IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE. THE LIGHTNING LIGHTS THE DARK CARGO
AREA.
JONAS VENTURE, A PINT SIZED MAN WITH STRONG RUGGED LOOKS AND
A ROBOTIC ARM, IS IN THE MIDDLE OF LOSING A FIGHT WITH AN
UNKNOWN ASSAILANT IN THE SHADOWS.
JONAS
I am not sure what your disagreement
with me is.
HE JUMPS AND ATTACKS THE ASSAILANT HIDDEN IN THE SHADOWS. SHE
TOSSES HIM ABOUT WITH A MYSTERIOUS POWER. A GREEN FORCE THAT
LOOKS LIKE A CLOUD OF GLITTER, THAT IS WILLED FROM HER.
JONAS STANDS AND WIPES THE BLOOD FROM UNDER HIS NOSE.
JONAS (CONT'D)
I have deduced that you are not trying
to kill me. What are you going to do
with me?
SOUND: SOMETHING ORGANIC BEING PULLED APART
JONAS' EYES WIDEN.
JONAS (CONT'D)
Great science...
EXT. PLANE CARGO AREA
SOUND: LASER BLASTS
A BRIGHT GREEN LIGHT EMITS FROM THE PLANE WINDOWS LIGHTING UP
THE SKY.
FADE OUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
EXT. SKY
THE X-1 STEALTH PLANE IS BEING ATTACKED BY A BUTTERFLY SHAPED
PLANE. BROCK, THE HULKING SWEDISH MACHINE, AND HANK VENTURE,
YOUNG, BLONDE HAIRED AND DUMB LOOKING AS USUAL, ARE EACH IN A
BUBBLE TURRET FIRING AT THE ATTACKER.
INT. X-1
BROCK IS DRESSED LIKE HAN SOLO AND HANK IS DRESSED LIKE LUKE.
BROCK
Wooo-Weee! I almost got'em. How you
doing down there kid?
HANKS EYES ARE CLOSED. THE RADIO CRACKLES TO LIFE.
DR. VENTURE (O.S.)
Use the force Hank.
HANK
Dad?
DR. VENTURE (O.S.)
Use the force field Hank! You're
getting slaughtered out there.
HANK
Oh!
HANK FLIPS A SWITCH.
EXT. SKY
THE BUTTERFLY LANDS ON THE X-1. A LASER FROM IT'S MOUTH
BEGINS CUTTING THROUGH THE HULL.
INT. MONARCH PLANE
THE MONARCH, STILL PATHETIC LOOKING BUT NOW DRESSED IN A
BUTTERFLY COSTUME WITH ARMOR OVER HIS CHEST, AND SIX
HENCHMEN, EACH IN THEIR OWN BUTTERFLY COSTUMES, ARE CROWDED
IN THE COCKPIT. THE MONARCH LIFTS THE RADIO.
MONARCH
(creepy voice)
Now begins my terrible crawl into Dr.
Venture's skin.
FAT HENCHMAN
Uh.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
Go ahead tell him.
GLASSES NUDGES FAT.
MONARCH
Tell me. Tell me what?
FAT HENCHMAN
You have to push that red button to
talk into the radio.
MONARCH
Oh. Oh! Thank you.
THE MONARCH THEN WHIPS AROUND AND SHOOTS FAT WITH A DART FROM
HIS WRIST BAND. THE HENCHMEN WATCH IN SHOCK.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Don't worry it's only a tranquilizer.
INT. X-1
DR. VENTURE
Why is every time I have to do
something, like going to a lecture at
my old university. It's never just
that easy is it? I blame you dad.
DR. VENTURE SHAKES HIS FIST IN THE AIR.
DEAN
Pops who are you talking to?
DEAN, BRIGHT RED HAIR AND A LOT THINNER THAN HIS BROTHER
HANK.
DR. VENTURE
Your late grandfather, thankfully.
THE RADIO COMES TO LIFE.
MONARCH (O.C.)
Dr. Thaddeus Venture...
DR. VENTURE LEANS OVER AND TURNS SOME KNOBS.
DR. VENTURE
(mockingly)
Oh. I'm losing you.
MONARCH (O.C.)
Can you... hear... me?
DR. VENTURE
No, I'm definitely losing you. Can you
repeat that?
MONARCH (O.C.)
Hear... Me... now?
THE RADIO TURNS TO STATIC.
DR. VENTURE
Why can't they just leave the airwaves
alone?
DEAN SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
It's always yap yap yap...
DR. VENTURE MAKES THE MOTION WITH HIS HAND.
MONARCH (O.C.)
Hey, I heard that!
DR. VENTURE
Alright we're ending this now!
DR. VENTURE'S HAND HOVERS OVER A BIG RED BUTTON AS SPARKS FLY
FROM BEHIND THEM.
DEAN
Holy cow! We have to use the E.M.P.
DR. VENTURE
Well no... Well yes! This is the
button for helper.
DR. VENTURE PUSHES THE BUTTON.
EXT. X-1
HELPER, BUCKET OF PARTS ROBOT, COMES OUT A DOOR ON THE
SPEEDING PLANE AND ROLLS AROUND THE HULL UNTIL HE REACHES THE
BUTTERFLY PLANE. HELPER CALLS DR. VENTURE ON THE TWO WAY
WRIST WATCH.
INT. X-1
DR. VENTURE'S WRIST WATCH LIGHTS UP.
H.E.L.P.E.R. (O.C.)
Beep beep beep beep beep?
DR. VENTURE
I don't know, slow him down some how.
I need time before we can land.
H.E.L.P.E.R. (O.C.)
Beep beep?
DR. VENTURE
Well Helper if you're not going to be
any help...
EXT. X-1
HELPER JUMPS INTO THE PATH OF THE LASER. THE LASER ZAPS HIM
AND HE FLIES OFF THE X-1.
INT. MONARCH PLANE
MONARCH
Ha! You seriously think that would
stop me! Come on!
DR. VENTURE'S VOICE CRACKLES OVER THE RADIO.
DR. VENTURE (O.C.)
Will you just shut up!
MONARCH
Ha! I will never stop, never slow
down, never be defeated....
SOUND: A DING
INT. FRAT HOUSE
THE SMILING GREEN GIRL GETS UP AND WALKS OVER TO THE MONARCH.
SHE SITS NEXT TO HIM.
MONARCH
Well "hi" stranger.
THE MONARCH CLUMSILY PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER, ACCIDENTLY
HITTING HER ANTENNA.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
What? What is this?
HE EXAMINES THE ANTENNA. SHE DIRECTS HIS HANDS TO HER BOSOMS.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Well aren't you cute?
SHE GIGGLES.
INT. X-1
HANK AND BROCK ENTER THE COCKPIT.
DR. VENTURE
Shit Helper.
DEAN
Um Pop. When are we gonna land?
DR. VENTURE
Oh, so you have something to say too!
Well, why don't I let you take care of
the problem Dean. Since you're the
smart one.
DR. VENTURE TAKES HIS HANDS OFF THE STEERING WHEEL TO DO
QUOTATIONS WITH HIS FINGERS. THE PLANE SPINS INTO A BARREL
ROLL.
BROCK
Doc!
DEAN
Holy freaking cow! Grab the steering
wheel!
DR. VENTURE
Okay! Okay! I got this.
DR. VENTURE STRAIGHTENS OUT THE PLANE. HIS HANDS SLOWLY
EXTEND TO REACH OVER THE E.M.P. RELEASE BUTTON.
EXT. SKY
THE X-1 IS IN FLAMES AS IT DESCENDS WITH THE BUTTERFLY STILL
CUTTING THROUGH THE HULL.
SOUND: MONARCH'S EVIL LAUGH
EXT. STATE UNIVERSITY LANDING PAD
THE X-1 CRASH LANDS. AN ELECTRIC WAVE COMES OVER BOTH PLANES.
THE MONARCH'S PLANE FALLS OFF THE X-1. SMOKE POURS OUT OF
THEIR DOORWAYS AS BOTH PLANES OPEN.
BOTH CREWS EXIT COUGHING.
TWO HENCHMEN CARRY FAT OUT THE MONARCH PLANE.
MONARCH
Was that necessary? I mean how am I
supposed to get home now?
DR. VENTURE
Well it's your fault. Why can't you
arch enemies get a life?
MONARCH
I have a life. It's exciting. Full of
peril around every corner.
DR. VENTURE
Great.
MONARCH
What?
BROCK
Nothing. Doc we should get going.
DR. VENTURE
Right. Listen...
MONARCH
No! You listen. This may have been
your victory for now. But the battle
is far from over!
BROCK
If I see you again I'm going to kill
you.
MONARCH
Henchmen! We're leaving.
THE MONARCH LEAVES WITH HIS HENCHMEN STRUGGLING TO DRAG FAT.
DR. VENTURE
Well good-riddance. Where's Helper?
HELPER FALLS NEXT TO THE VENTURES.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
Okay. Brock I'll take Helper and you
baby sit the boys, I guess.
BROCK
You sure about that Doc? With the
Monarch running around...
DR. VENTURE
Don't worry I have Helper.
HELPER GETS OFF THE GROUND. HIS LEFT ARM FALLS OFF.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
Well I've been meaning to kill myself
soon anyway...
HANK
Cool. We should solve mysteries like
those Hardly boys.
DEAN
I think you mean the Hard-on boys.
BROCK
Neither of those are correct.
DR. VENTURE
And Dean never say that again.
DEAN
What?
DR. VENTURE POINTS AT THE BOYS WITH HIS THUMB.
DR. VENTURE
Damn geniuses. So we'll keep in touch
on the two way communicators.
BROCK
Right.
DR. VENTURE
Let's go Helper.
EACH PARTY GOES THEIR WAY.
EXT. JONAS' PLANE
THE PLANE IS LANDED. THE DOOR OPENS REVEALING JONAS IN A
POSSESSED STATE.
JONAS
I will kill Dr. Venture.
HIS EYES LIGHT UP GREEN.
EXT. GIRLS DORMITORY
HANK AND DEAN WANDER IN FASCINATION.
DEAN
Wow-zeers, so this is were we'll end
up some day.
BROCK
Only if you're lucky enough to grow up
Dean.
HANK
I wonder what kind of mysteries are
just waiting to be solved here?
ENTER COLLEGE STONER.
STONER
I'll give you a mystery man. The
mystery of my missing juice, man.
DEAN
Juice?
STONER
Yeah, man.
HANK
But you can get juice anywhere.
STONER
Not this juice man. Some one stole it
from my palm, man.
THE STONER LIFTS AND POINTS AT HIS PALM.
HANK
Ah ha! A crime to solve. What did this
juice look like?
STONER
It's a little ball of foil. A little
deliciously balled up ball of foil. Oh
my god! It's gone.
THE STONER BEGINS WEEPING INTO HIS HANDS.
DEAN
What's this?
DEAN PICKS UP A CRUMPLED PIECE OF FOIL.
STONER
My juice!
THE STONER LEAPS AT THE FOIL. TAKING IT FROM DEAN.
STONER (CONT'D)
Hey, it's empty!
HANK
But look.
HANK POINTS OUT A CHEWED UP WAD OF GUM ON THE FOIL.
HANK (CONT'D)
The culprit must chew gum.
DEAN
So who normally chews gum?
BROCK
Girls do.
HANK
Then to the girl's dormitory!
HANK POINTS THE WAY.
INT. GIRLS DORMITORY HALLWAY
DEAN AND HANK CASUALLY WALK ABOUT SEARCHING. BROCK HANGS BACK
AND NERVOUSLY WATCHES THE TOWEL WRAPPED CO-EDS PASSING.
BROCK
Um... Hank and Dean. I think we should
leave.
BROCK WIPES SOME SWEAT OFF HIS FOREHEAD.
DEAN
We can't do that. We're so close to
solving this one.
BROCK
(in a shaky voice)
But I don't know if I can do my job
correctly with these kinds... of
distractions.
HANK
What do you mean Brock?
A REDHEAD GIRL WINKS AT BROCK. BROCK COMPOSES HIM SELF.
BROCK
Boys, I'll see you in fifteen minutes.
A BLONDE GIRL GRABS THE ARM OF THE REDHEAD AND ALSO WINKS AT
BROCK.
BROCK (CONT'D)
Make that twenty.
HANK
Oh. Okay Brock. You have at 'em.
DEAN
Look at this.
DEAN PICKS UP A NICKEL BAG.
HANK
Lemme see that.
HANK SWIPES THE BAG.
HANK (CONT'D)
Looks like a couple of little rocks.
ENTER GUY IN BEANIE.
BEANIE
Hey, I'll give ya twenty for that.
DEAN
For rocks?
HANK
Heck yeah!
HANK GRABS THE BILL FROM BEANIE.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
EXT. STATE UNIVERSITY BUILDING
DR. VENTURE AND HELPER EXIT BUILDING.
DR. VENTURE
What a complete waste of my natural
talent! How did they ever fathom that
I have a want to teach a whole bunch
of drugged up whack jobs living off
their daddies' trust fund.
H.E.L.P.E.R.
Beep beep beep beep.
DR. VENTURE
(mockingly)
Oh! So your one of those: "I like to
keep it real" robots. Yes, there were
only two whack jobs, I'm living of my
dad's legacy, and apparently he
couldn't program worth diddly!
H.E.L.P.E.R.
Beep beep.
DR. VENTURE
Oh, it's not your fault. I just a need
a couple more of these babies.
DR. VENTURE POPS TWO PILLS.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
You know what's really holding us
back? Fuel consumption on the X-1.
IN THE NEARBY BUSHES JONAS SNEAKS ABOUT.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
I mean we almost broke even on this
trip. The X-1 just cost so much.
HELPER TRIES TO CALL ATTENTION TO JONAS.
H.E.L.P.E.R.
Beep beep beep.
DR. VENTURE
How could my deformed brother build a
more economical plane? He's got one
good hand for God's sakes.
POSSESSED JONAS JUMPS FROM BEHIND THE BUSHES AND FIRES A DART
FROM A DART GUN AT DR. VENTURE.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
Holy tequila! What the hell!
HELPER JUMPS IN FRONT OF DR. VENTURE DEFLECTING THE DART.
HELPER LAYS ON THE FLOOR CLUTCHING HIS METAL CHEST.
H.E.L.P.E.R.
Beep beep beep.
HELPER PASSES OUT.
JONAS BEGINS RELOADING.
DR. VENTURE
I don't know what game your playing
Jonas. But haven't you ruined my life
enough already?
DR. VENTURE SIMPLY WALKS OVER AND STOMPS ON JONAS.
INT. STATE UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM
THE MONARCH IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A LECTURE WITH A HANDFUL OF
STUDENTS AND HIS HENCHMEN WATCHING.
MONARCH
Villainy is not as simple as it
sounds.
A STUDENT RAISES HIS HAND.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Save the questions for when the end of
this epic lecture comes to a close!
MALE STUDENT
(whimpering)
But I have to use the rest room.
MONARCH
Oh. Okay, well then leave.
THE STUDENT LEAVES.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Number fourteen.
HENCHMEN FOURTEEN STANDS.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Kill that boy!
THE MONARCH POINTS AT THE DOOR.
HENCHMEN FOURTEEN EXITS.
ALL THE OTHER STUDENTS LOOK AROUND IN WORRY.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Where was I? Oh, yes. There are rules
and guidelines one must follow. All of
it in this handy text book, written by
your truly.
THE MONARCH RAISES A BOOK WHICH ADORNS HIS FACE AND A THUMBS
UP.
FAT ADJUSTS HIMSELF ON HIS SEAT.
SOUND: CHAIR CREAKS
MONARCH (CONT'D)
(alarmed)
Ahhh!
MONARCH QUICKLY FIRES A DART AT FAT.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
Oh no! You hit him again--
MONARCH
Well, he scared me.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
He just woke up from the last one.
MONARCH
Actually this one may have been fatal.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
What?
IN A DARK SECLUDED CORNER OF THE CLASSROOM LISTENS A GREEN
FEMALE ALIEN, COMPLETE WITH ANTENNA.
THE MAGICAL CLOUD EXTENDS FROM HER CORNER AND ENGULFS A BOY
WEARING A GREEN SHIRT.
THE POSSESSED BOY GETS UP AND WALKS TOWARD THE MONARCH.
MONARCH
What? What are you doing?
GREEN HOLDS OUT HIS ARMS AND PUCKERS UP HIS LIPS.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
Uhh, he's trying to kiss you.
MONARCH
(panic)
You're right! What do I do?
THE MONARCH SLOWLY BACKS TO THE WALL.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
I dunno shot him with a dart or
something.
MONARCH FIRES A DART INTO GREEN'S CROTCH. GREEN'S EYES WIDEN.
GREEN SHIRT BOY
Oww!
GREEN GRABS HIS CROTCH.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
Why did you shot him there?
MONARCH
(panic)
Why not? I dunno--
GREEN SHIRT BOY
(crying)
Why did you shot me?
MONARCH
What? You were trying to kiss me!
GREEN SHIRT BOY
No, I wasn't.
MONARCH
You were. I have witnesses.
MONARCH POINTS AT THE HENCHMEN.
MONARCH (CONT'D)
Come on, tell him. He was trying to
kiss me.
GLASSES HENCHMAN
Uhh...
SOUND: A DING
INT. FRAT HOUSE
THE GREEN GIRL LEADS THE MONARCH THROUGH THE PARTY AND UP THE
STAIRS. ALONG THE WAY HE KEEPS RUNNING INTO PEOPLE AND WALLS.
SHE DRAGS HIM INTO A ROOM AND THE DOOR CLOSES WITH A SOCK ON
THE DOOR HANDLE.
INT. STATE UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM
GLASSES HENCHMAN
Uhh, I think he shot himself!
THE MONARCH COMES TO AND SHAKES IT OUT.
GLASSES HENCHMAN (CONT'D)
Hold him down.
THE OTHER HENCHMEN HOLD THE MONARCH DOWN. GLASSES PREPARES AN
ADRENALINE SHOT. THEY RIP HIS COSTUME AND DRAW A DOT WHERE HE
HEART IS.
MONARCH
(dazed)
What the hell are you doing?
HENCHMAN NUMBER THREE
Do it now!
GLASSES WINDS UP.
MONARCH
Hold on! Hold on! If you stab me with
that I'm going to kill...
EXT. STATE UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM
SOUND: MONARCH YELLING
EXT. STATE UNIVERSITY BUILDING
DR. VENTURE LEANS OVER JONAS' BODY. HE SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE.
JONAS WAKES UP.
JONAS
Rusty...
DR. VENTURE
Yeah yeah. Enough with the
formalities. It's about time you woke
up.
JONAS
Where am I?
DR. VENTURE
Come on. You can stop fooling around.
JONAS TOUCHES HIS BLACK EYE.
JONAS
(calmly)
You did this to me?
DR. VENTURE
Well I had to! You were attacking me.
JONAS
I'm sorry Rusty. It wasn't me. But
something was compelling me to kill
you.
DR. VENTURE
That's all nice but we should find the
boys.
(into his communicator)
Brock. Come in Brock.
SOUND: HEAVY BREATHING OF TWO GIRLS AND A GUY
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
Aww what the hell? It must be broken.
JONAS
Let me use my locator.
DR. VENTURE
Your what?
JONAS POINTS OUT BROCK'S POSITION ON HIS LOCATOR.
DR. VENTURE (CONT'D)
Hey! You have all of us on there.
JONAS
Yes.
DR. VENTURE
When did you get us to ingest
locators?
JONAS
Surgical implant; while you slept. It
was a painless procedure--
DR. VENTURE
(yelling)
What? Don't give me that B.S.
HELPER GETS UP.
JONAS
Let's go.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.