INT. BART'S APARTMENT - DAY
BART HAIGHTEN, a charming young man who could be a model,
spoons a heaping amount of ground meat into his mouth. With
his free hand he looks through a set of photos on flickr.com
through his laptop. He chuckles at a picture of him and an
attractive girl making faces at each other. He sets the fork
down to type a comment. On the table sits the decapitated
head of the girl on a plate.
INT. HOLLYWOOD CONDO - NIGHT
A party, complete with beautiful women and high profile men.
Actors and models are at the turn of every corner. Bart is
laughing it up with a group of women.
In the corner is ELLIOT, a petite redhead, standing alone.
BART
Excuse me Wendy.
WENDY
No problem honey.
Bart grabs a glass of wine slyly from a waiter's tray as he
makes his way to Elliot. He offers her the wine.
BART
Wine?
ELLIOT
Uhh. Sure.
BART
Oh. Where's my manners? I'm Bart
Haighten. I'm Phil's colleague.
Bart extends his hand. Elliot shyly takes it.
ELLIOT
I'm Elliot. Uh. I know... People
around here.
BART
Your hair complements your eyes so
well. Are you a natural?
She giggles.
ELLIOT
Uh. Yeah. I got teased a lot when I
was a kid.
BART
Oh. Like Gingie and cooper crotch.
ELLIOT
Um. Yeah. Kinda more like fire
crotch.
BART
So... Is it true?
She leans close to him.
ELLIOT
Well... I shave.
WENDY approaches Bart from behind and wraps her arm around
his shoulder.
WENDY
Who's this cute ginger cookie.
BART
Umm. Wend this is Elliot. Elliot.
Wendy.
They shake hands.
WENDY
Charmed girly. Bart we're hitting
Hollywood. You must come.
BART
Umm.
WENDY
Nice, I know I can count on you.
How about you... Umm...
ELLIOT
Elliot! No, I can't. I just--
BART
Come on. It'll be fun.
ELLIOT
No. I'm... I'm waiting on someone.
WENDY
Bart, we'll be over there waiting.
It was nice meeting you... Erica--
ELLIOT
It's Elliot... It's still...
Elliot.
WENDY
Oh yeah!
Wendy scampers off.
BART
I don't--
ELLIOT
You should go. But... Uhh. Give me
your number.
Bart flips out his phone.
BART
Lemme just get yours.
ELLIOT
Oh no! I've played that game
before. You'll never call me.
BART
I would never.
ELLIOT
Sure you wouldn't.
BART
Lemme give you a call now so we'll
have each others numbers.
ELLIOT
Okay it's 312-577-8964.
Elliot's phone rings.
BART
Ha! There you have it. Now... Keep
this number on the down low.
ELLIOT
Why?
BART
Cause I'm a catch.
ELLIOT
Oh! You're full of yourself. I'll
see you later.
BART
Okay I'll catch you later.
Bart catches up with Wendy and a group of girls. As they exit
Bart accidentally clips the Shoulder of the sharp slick back
haired MAYOR WILLIAM LOOSEVALS.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Watch it buddy!
BART
Oh! I'm sorry--
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Whatever asshole.
The mayor quickly walks to Elliot pushing people out of his
way.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
What the hell, Elliot?
ELLIOT
What do you want William?
Elliot turns around and walks to the balcony.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
We had a scheduled meeting
yesterday.
ELLIOT
Is that what I am to you? Just a
penciled in mistress on your
calendar.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
I have a city to run. My time is
precious.
ELLIOT
I'm sure. Listen... William.
Elliot downs the rest of her wine.
ELLIOT
I can't do this.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Are you pregnant?
ELLIOT
(shocked)
God no!
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Oh! Thank you. You... You had me
there for a second.
Mayor Loosevals grabs her and tries to kiss her. She turns
her head, giving him the cheek.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
What's wrong baby?
ELLIOT
Your truly are an... an idiot.
The Mayor pushes her back.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
I'm an idiot. You... You are just
another pretty face in Los Angeles.
You have no idea how easily I can
replace you.
ELLIOT
Fine.
Elliot walks away.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
(shouting)
Your nothing. I am the most
interesting thing in your life.
The Mayor grabs a glass of wine from a man standing near him.
IDLE MAN
Hey!
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
I need it!
The mayor gulps it down, almost choking on it immediately
afterwards.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
What is this, wine? Grow some
balls.
The mayor tosses the glass off the balcony and walks away.
INT. BART'S APARTMENT - DAY
Bart chews his cereal as he admires a photo of him and Elliot
on his phone.
Suddenly it rings with a picture of a cut of ham appearing on
the screen with Elliot's name underneath.
Bart bites his hand and looks away.
BART
Should I? No! I like this girl.
He closes his phone.
INT. BRAD'S OFFICE - NIGHT
On a desk, a name plate reads "Billy Bradley - Phycologist."
BRAD is a well dressed bald middle aged man with a full
beard.
BRAD
What about... Um... Lindsay Lohan.
BART
Gross. "Big mac" for sure.
BRAD
Nah! More like a ninety nine cent
taco from "Jack in the Box."
BART
Okay. I got one... Sigourney
Weaver.
BRAD
Who's that?
BART
She was in "Alien."
BRAD
Oh. Oh! That's a toughie.
BART
I know! So what do you think she'll
taste like?
BRAD
Umm. "McMuffin."
BART
You give her too much credit.
BRAD
So tell me about...
Brad licks his lips.
BART
Michelle?
BRAD
Yeah... What was she like?
BART
She was cute, fun, absolutely
delicious.
BRAD
Oh! What did she taste like? Oh!
Explain the texture.
BART
Any fine cuisine can never really
be put into words.
BRAD
How did you prepare her?
Brad has to hold back his spit.
BART
There was a roast, some ground
meat, and sausages--
BRAD
No jerky huh?
BART
Not on this one.
BRAD
Oh Bart. Living the life so care
free. I just had to get married.
BART
And what about your wife?
BRAD
What... Eat her! Oh no! I actually
have this connection with her. It's
called love.
BART
When can you tell the difference?
BRAD
It wasn't difficult for me. I was
interested in her, physically and
emotionally.
BART
I've met someone new.
BRAD
Oh really!
BART
But I'm too, am attracted to her
physically and emotionally.
BRAD
So...
BART
I don't know. I'm hungry... But I
liked her more than others.
BRAD
Bart. You must feed. I can't live a
normal life, unless you feed.
BART
But what if there's something
there?
BRAD
Screw that! My wife was a mistake.
Now I'm stuck with an offspring who
needs a mom. Your the one with
freedom. Live it... So I can live
mine.
BART
Should I go for it?
BRAD
God yes!
BART
I haven't done any research. She
could be the governor's daughter.
BRAD
Screw it. Research later. When has
it ever been a problem?
BART
Okay! But give me a call if
anything comes up.
BRAD
No problem. And don't forget next
week. I enjoy our sessions.
BART
Thanks Brad.
Bart leaves.
EXT. BRAD'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Bart whips out his cell phone and dials as he leaves the
door. He whistles as he waits.
BART
Elliot! Ha! Hey... Yeah sorry, I
was working... No... Yeah I was
wondering what your doing tomorrow?
Cause... Cool. Then let's hang
out...Yeah... Like Blu's on
Melrose... Okay... Then what about
nine... Sure... Can't wait to see
you.
Bart closes his phone. He whistles as he gets into his car.
EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO - NIGHT
Bart an Elliot cheers their drinks. In the background a
television runs quietly.
ELLIOT
I'm glad you worked up the nerve to
call me.
BART
Oh! It's like that. Huh?
ELLIOT
I'm usually the one never to make
the first move. Yeah... I'm kinda
shy.
BART
I like that about you.
ELLIOT
I hope this doesn't scare you. But
I just got out of a wreck of a
relationship... he was married.
BART
But it's over?
ELLIOT
Oh yeah! I'm just attracted to
charismatic assholes. I guess.
ON THE TELEVISION.
MAYOR WILLIAM LOOSEVALS stands behind a podium with SHERIFF
CHUCK WHITE, pasty skin and a little fat, next to him.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
As stated there will be no
questions at this time. We are
doing everything in the city's
power to solve the recent cases of
five missing women.
Reporters begin snapping pictures and yelling.
COFFEE SHOP PATIO
Bart and Elliot share a laugh.
BART
Well I hope I'm not an asshole. But
I like to think I'm charismatic.
ELLIOT
You so are! I'm surprised you
called. I don't usually get to date
nice guys.
BART
Well I'm not always nice.
INT. BART'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Bart and Elliot bust through the door of his bedroom kissing.
BART
Wait...
ELLIOT
What?
BART
You have coffee breath.
ELLIOT
Shut-up.
Bart lays her down on his bed. She undresses quickly while
Bart takes his time.
BART
What's the hurry?
ELLIOT
I don't do this on first dates...
just to let you know.
BART
I know.
He kisses her. Touches her. Makes love to her. Then in the
height of passion, stabs her.
LATER THAT MORNING
A cell phone ringing.
Bart's arm extends from beneath the covers and pulls the
phone in.
BART
Hello.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS (V.O.)
Who the fuck is this?
BART
What?
MAYOR LOOSEVALS (V.O.)
Where the fuck is Elliot? If that
whore is sleeping around...
BART
Who the hell are you?
MAYOR LOOSEVALS (V.O.)
That doesn't concern you. Where's
Elliot?
The covers fly off the bed revealing a half naked Bart with
blood smeared all over his face.
BART
Oh shit!
Bart hangs up the phone and puts it in between the elastic
band of his boxers. He begins to dig through a pile of
pillows, sheets, and body parts. Bart yanks out his cell
phone and dials.
BART
Brad! Shut-up! I gotta come over
right now.
He shuts the phone.
INT. BRAD'S HOUSE - DAY
Brad is watching porn on the home computer in the living
room. Suddenly his six year old son pops in.
BRAD'S SON
Dad!
Brad quickly shuts down the computer but the sound keeps
coming through the speakers.
BRAD'S SON
I wanna go play t-ball. Teach me!
BRAD
Son! I'm busy. That's. That's what
your mother's for.
The doorbell rings.
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
Bill can you get that!
BRAD'S SON
Dad!
BRAD
Son! Leave.
Brad's son leaves with his head down as Brad scrambles to
find the power button on the speakers.
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
What are you listening to? Where's
the kiddo?
Loud knocking from the door. Brad yanks the speakers from the
desk unplugging them.
BRAD
Nothing--
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
Can you get that...
BRAD
Got it! God!
Brad gets up and opens the door. Bart swiftly enters.
BART
It's bad, Brad! It's real bad! I
did it. And, for sure, she's
involved...
BRAD
Are you sure?
BART
I talked to him on the phone. And
he's an asshole.
BRAD
Well--
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
Is that Bart? Hi Bart!
BRAD
Don't--
BART
Hello Miss Bradley!
BRAD
Listen! Don't freak out.
BART
How can I not. Someone is gonna
come looking for her.
BRAD
Let's--
Brad's son walks through the room playing his gameboy.
BRAD'S SON
Hey Bart.
BART
What's up Kiddo?
BRAD
Okay... Let's look her up. But I
think your fine. And I'm usually
right about these things.
BART
Your right. I'm too stressed. I
just gotta calm down and enjoy
this.
BRAD
Right! I'll call you if anything
comes up. In the mean time... Be
you.
BART
Thanks man. I'll see you.
BRAD
No--
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
You boys want tea?
BRAD
No problem Bart.
Bart leaves.
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
What about it boys?
BRAD
No! Fuck no!
EXT. MAYOR LOOSEVALS' CONVERTIBLE - HIGHWAY - DAY
The slick mayor drives his red convertible with a beautiful
woman riding passenger and top down.
He flips open his phone.
HOT WOMAN
Know that's illegal?
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Sue me. Hi I need a cell trace...
This is the fucking mayor... 312
577-8964...
He closes the phone and opens it again.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
I got the address. Get ready. We're
going to kill this motherfucker!
He closes the phone and accelerates.
INT. BRAD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Brad stares at the computer.
BRAD
Oh shit!
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
What honey?
BRAD
Nothing! Just she's the suspected
mayor's mistress.
The doorbell rings.
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
Doorbell!
BRAD
I heard it!
BRAD'S SON (O.S.)
Dad! Doorbell!
BRAD
I got it!
Brad opens the door and gets punched square on the nose. Brad
reels back holding his bleeding nose. Mayor Loosevals and
Sheriff White enter.
BRAD
What the--
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Where the fuck is she?
BRAD
Who?
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Shoot him.
BRAD'S WIFE (O.S.)
Honey is everything okay?
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
This doesn't concern you!
BRAD
Everything's fine!
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Shoot him!
SHERIFF WHITE
I can't commit manslaughter! I'm a
police officer!
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
If you shoot him through the leg it
won't kill him! We've been through
this...
SHERIFF WHITE
I don't see how that's proper
police conduct.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Listen!
BRAD
Bart Haighten.
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
What?
BRAD
That's who you want.
SHERIFF WHITE
Oh thank god!
MAYOR LOOSEVALS
Good. Let's roll.
The mayor and sheriff leave.
Brad scrambles to his feet and runs to the computer.
ON SCREEN
He types in "myspace.com"
BACK TO BRAD
BRAD
I hope this get's to you Bart.
Brad types furiously.
INT. HOLLYWOOD CONDO - NIGHT
The normal shmooze and booze hollywood party.
Bart pops a piece of sausage into his mouth as an attractive
brunette with him laughs.
BART
I really do have good taste.
HOT BRUNETTE
Oh! I believe it. What's your name
again?
BART
I got one better. How about my
number.
Bart whips out a cell phone. It's Elliot's.
BART
Oh shot!
HOT BRUNETTE
What?
BART
Nothing.
He casually drops it into an idle drink cup, and pulls out
his phone.
HOT BRUNETTE
Ready?
BART
Yeah--
His phone beeps.
ON CELL PHONE
Urgent myspace message box appears.
BACK TO SCENE
BART
Um... Excuse me.
Bart walks away.
HOT BRUNETTE
Wait... Uhh...
Bart reads the message then shuts his phone and runs out.
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